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Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life (English Edition) van [Gahran, Amy]
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Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life (English Edition) Kindle-editie

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Kindle, 3 feb 2017
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Lengte: 395 pagina's Taal: Engels
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Love is not one-size-fits-all. Yet often, people assume that all healthy or serious intimate relationships must follow same trajectory. Fortunately, there are plenty of options.

The “Relationship Escalator” is the bundle of social conventions for intimate relationships: monogamy, living together and much more, ideally until death do you part. If you wish to explore a different way of loving, it’s not always obvious what your options are, or where those paths might lead.

Many people have stepped off the Relationship Escalator, to live and love in uncommon ways. In 2013-14, journalist Amy Gahran surveyed 1500 people about their unconventional intimate relationships: how those relationships work, how they feel, and why these people stepped off the Escalator. Participants shared moving, in-depth personal stories and insights. Over 330 individuals are quoted directly in this book (with permission).

"Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator" explores how unconventional relationships might look and work differently from traditional relationships. Gahran identifies five main ways that intimate partners can step off the traditional Relationship Escalator.

Off the Escalator, intimate relationships might be:
- Nonmonogamous: Sexual/romantic nonexclusivity, with all-around informed consent. Polyamory, swinging, monogamish relationships and more.
- Highly autonomous: Partners choose to not live together or otherwise prioritize their individuality over couplehood.
- Egalitarian: Not defaulting to giving one partner, or romantic/sexual partners in general, top priority.
- Nonsexual: Asexual people, and others, enjoy deeply intimate, committed relationships that never include a sexual connection.
- Fluid or discontinuous: Sometimes intimacy is pause/play, or significantly shifts form, without a breakup or ending.

This book aims to foster awareness and acceptance of relationship choice; to empower people to speak up for what they might want and find more ways to let love flourish. To not assume that love must look a particular way for it to be valuable and meaningful. At a point in history when divisiveness can seem overwhelming, finding more ways to connect with love can help us sustaining each other through tense times.

This book is the first in a series. At least two more Off the Escalator books are currently in production:
- (2017) What’s It Like Off the Escalator? 10 Common Questions About Unconventional Relationships
- (2018) Off the Escalator, in the Closet: Navigating Stigma Against Unconventional Relationships

More information about this ongoing project:


  • Editie: Kindle-editie
  • Bestandsgrootte: 2468 KB
  • Printlengte: 395 pagina's
  • Uitgever: Off the Escalator Enterprises (3 februari 2017)
  • Verkocht door: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Taal: Engels
  • Tekst-naar-spraak: Ingeschakeld
  • X-Ray:
  • Verbeterd lettertype: Niet ingeschakeld
  • Gemiddelde klantenbeoordeling: Schrijf als eerste een recensie over dit item
  • Plaats op Amazon-bestsellerlijst: #90.250 Betaald in Kindle Store (Top 100 betaald in Kindle Store bekijken)
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Meest waardevolle klantenrecensies op (bèta) (er kunnen recensies van Early Reviewer Rewards-programma bij zitten) 5.0 van 5 sterren 10 recensies
6 van 6 mensen vonden de volgende recensie nuttig
5.0 van 5 sterren Consent in Relationships Should Be Ongoing 1 mei 2017
door Beverly Diehl - Gepubliceerd op
Geverifieerde aankoop
How much do you know about unconventional relationships: Polyamory? Married monogamous partners living in separate households? Relationships that may burn hot, move to the back burner, heat up again years later? Relationships that de-escalate from romantic partnerships to friendships? Non-sexual but deeply intimate and important friendships?

There are so many ways to have relationships, but the ONLY societal model familiar to most people is the Escalator: dating, becoming "more serious," living together/marriage, investment (buying a house/having kids). This is a collection of stories about the ways stepping OFF the Escalator's relationship assumptions works - or doesn't work - for some people. Without putting down those for whom the Relationship Escalator works well.

I especially loved this section:

"However, consent is an ongoing process, not a one-time choice. As circumstances and feelings evolve, people may change their minds about what they want in their relationships, and what they are willing or able to consent to. 'You signed up for this' is often used to silence partners who attempt to renegotiate rules — by implying that consent, once given, is irrevocable."

If you don't have to finish a grilled cheese sandwich in a restaurant, because it doesn't taste good to you anymore, you shouldn't have to "finish" a relationship if it is making you miserably unhappy. You should always be able to ask for changes, or to transition to a different kind of relationship.

I am a firm believer in making conscious choices in our lives, rather than mindlessly following subconscious patterns and assumptions. I LOVE this book, for people both on and off the Escalator, and am going to be rereading and gifting it frequently.

There are two more books planned in this series and I can't wait for both of them!
4 van 4 mensen vonden de volgende recensie nuttig
5.0 van 5 sterren Traditionally, "The only way to win a wedding is for someone to die." 28 februari 2017
door Burton Kent - Gepubliceerd op
Geverifieerde aankoop
Wow. Society's traditional view of relationships is the "Relationship Escalator", where you are inevitably propelled into more and more serious stages of relationships. Such as Dating/Getting Romantic > Exclusively Dating > Sexually Intimate > Moving in Together > Marriage > Kids > Happily Ever After. If you omit to move up the escalator, stay at the same level, or god forbid, go backwards, your relationship is viewed as if you fell down the stairs.

As someone in the book says, "The only way to win a wedding is for someone to die." That's the traditional view. This book is an exploration of untraditional relationships.

The "Relationship Escalator" is so ingrained in society that most people never realize there's any other way. At all steps there are options:
- Dating/getting romantic - some people are aromantic. They're affectionate but don't fall in love.
- Exclusively dating - Polyamory means multiple loves. Monogamy isn't mandatory. Some people swing.
- Sexually Intimate - Some people are asexual. They can be extremely affectionate (or not) but just don't have sex. Or be celibate.
- Move In Together - Some people find their relationships are better if they don't "nest" together.
- Marriage - Some people don't want to get married, even if they act like they are.
- Kids - Some people don't want to have kids, others will happily coparent kids that aren't theirs. Sometimes kids can have a half dozen parents, and it works great!
- Happily Ever After - Just because a relationship ends it's not a failure. Some people are happier being friends with their exes than they were when being involved.

I'm leaving out a lot - you'll have to read the book. Even if you're not interested in exploring alternative approaches to relationships, you may like this book. It's interesting to learn the choices people make and what works for them. It may be something you would never have thought of. If you are interested in alternative approaches, you will likely get something out of this book, if only a way to explain why you would choose differently from society's standard.
6 van 6 mensen vonden de volgende recensie nuttig
5.0 van 5 sterren Like walking through a landmine 19 maart 2017
door za - Gepubliceerd op
Geverifieerde aankoop
Still slowly working through it. Like walking through a landmine. Fortunately this book is logical, calm, and totally 1000% nonjudgmental while discussing various levels of societal privilege. Super valuable if you're in the middle of an identity transformation or relationship of ANY kind. Yep, even asexual-solo poly-distance relationships (for example) or other relationships/identities that could be considered 'nebulous' are respected as existing, and real.
4 van 4 mensen vonden de volgende recensie nuttig
5.0 van 5 sterren Read this, new or experienced with non monogamy 10 maart 2017
door Melissa - Gepubliceerd op
Geverifieerde aankoop
I've been practicing poly for 3+ years now and still benefitted from reading this book. It brings in academic as well as anectodal resources, and made me understand the strict trappings of the monogamous-favoring society we live in. While I had obviously considered these issues before, Amy Gahran really digs into all the different styles of non monogamy and the struggles (and joys!) of adapting that lifestyle. I'd really recommend this to anyone looking outside of monogamy.
5 van 5 mensen vonden de volgende recensie nuttig
5.0 van 5 sterren Awesome look into stepping off the escalator 18 februari 2017
door 3prongattack - Gepubliceerd op
Geverifieerde aankoop
A terrific view into non-traditional relationships. Very thoughtful and respectful of all types of configurations. Perfect read for anyone who's tired of following the same script, one size fits all relationship model we're all spoon fed since the childhood.